venting and ranting
Yesterday I decided that I really needed a taste of what town was all about. I mean i've been into town several times before, but each time i had a destination and wasn't really in an exploring mood. Not to mention I was always with another person. So i had my first experience with walking around downtown Kampala with no direction whatsoever by myself, and i wanted to talk about what I saw and thought about...
I guess I wish i could fully convey exactly what it is like for a white person in this country. Like...I mean this gives me great insight a small bit of what a black person might feel in a heavily white area. Everyone acts nice, as per the culture. You have no idea how many times a day I hear the words, "muzungu how are you?" Sometimes, just like in the states, i'm not good, and i dont like lying or having to talk about how i feel with every random stranger on the street. And i'm a public spetacle for sure, beacause i look so different from everyone else here. So I get stares, i get stares wherever I go, and the two ways to get people to stop staring at you are to, a) wave, or b) say, "hello, how are you?" Yesterday i was thinking alot about that and how the novelty definitely wears off being the center of attention anywhere you go.
Also, I'm realizing what a novelty "muzungu" used to be and how it begins to feel derogatory. Especially when i'm just walking along, and you can say anythign with a biting tone, as is truwe with muzungu. Like when i'll pass someone and i'll hear muzungu yelled at me when they are already past me. Or if I am walking through a crowded area and i hear muzungu and i turn and i know someone was talking about me. And I suppose this is me careing too much about other people. Like I understand alot of people here do not understand what all the white people, and all the NGO's (non-govt-orgs) are doing here. Cuz by the way there are so incredibly many aid organizations christian and not, and I feel like alot of people here have alot of resentment behind their friendliness. As mentioned earlier you can feel it with the biting, "MUZUNGU!" left and right (kona ne dyo).
Ok now to stop complaining about myself and start complaining about things here. I wish i could convey to you the number of street vendors here. I mean literally every street, every street corner (at least in the areas closer to the taxi park) are completely covered with people, with their wares laid out on cardboard, tarps, blankets, whatever works, tables, etc. I guess i want to paint you guys this picture so you can begin to feel for them. I mean, they have alot of stuff, most of it literal crap, that nobody wants, no foreigner, no local, nobody really wants it at all! And yet they have to stay seated, laid down, standing, whatever next to their stuff for i would guess more than 12 hours a day, just in case someone happens upon their stand instead of someone elses and happens to wants something that they have for sale so they can make money to eat that day. That is their life! They sit and do nothing, and they dont have days off, i'm not sure where they get this stuff. [Side note: this has happened twice, where someone has pulled me aside and tried to sell me panties, not really sure if he actually expected me to buy anything] I dunno, i wa thinking about life for them yesterday and it struck me how awful theirs must be. Some of us hate our jobs back home, but what if you didnt have a job and you were forced to sell, mosquito nets, cell phone covers, underwear, etc on the street because you knew a supplier and you had zero other options?
Yesterday I walked past an old man next to his cardboard box of stuff and all i wanted to do was to hug him and tell him there was more than this! That God loved him so passionately and that He wants so much more for Him, but i didnt, because it is so seemingly hopeless, and because in this culture peopel don't talk about private things, about their inner feelings etc.
My other rant about the mundane-ness of life here: Boda-boda drivers. Enter the life of a boda driver, once you manage to get a boda, not really sure how that works, how anyone here has the capital to do so, since they cost about1,000,000 shillings or about 500 dollars. But once you get that far, you need turf. Good luck getting it if you dont have any friends there. There are Boda stages, and of course there is conflict and fighting over who gets what stage, since some stages bring more money, some are already too crowded to make any money. And now you sit there all day, on your boda, waiting for someone who walks by to give them a ride for anywhere from 1000 to 3000 shillings or 50 cents to $1.50. Some days they dont get hired at all, but nevertheless they are out there everyday. Garaunteed if you look at them EVER, they will put their hand up and ask you if you want a ride and you have to say no because likely you are walking. Yesterday as i was walking i was solicited for a ride probably 30 times. Almost every street corner that i gave eye contact to one immediately i was offered a ride. And i guess i have no room to complain about them asking me for a ride, but imagine their lives, they need to be the first one to ask a passerby for a ride so they can garauntee they get to give the ride and not anyone else at their stage. But most of hte day they sit, and do nothing.
I'm sure alot of you have heard how hard it is for a black guy in new york to pick up a taxi, or some of you know personally. The thing that pisses me off here, is that it is easier for a white person to get a boda to pick them up than a black person. And maybe it's because they know if we are here we have money. But still that sucks, i mean it's the same thing, except i am the minority and yet i'm still privelidged for some reason.
That leads me to my last point today, in the past week about three peopel have attempted to rip me off, simply because i am white. And while each time it was over a very small amount of money, after awhile it gets old. After awhile I just wish I didn't get screwed over becuase of my race. Like peopel giving me wrong change on purpose, or telling me one price, when i know that's not the price. I mean again it's not much money, but i think if you were to charge someone more money in the states because of their race there would be a public outcry.
All that to say, that the Lord is sovereign over the people here, over their lives.
"Here is what I have seen: It is good and fitting for one to eat and drink, and to enjoy the good of all his labor in which he toils under the sun all the days of his life which God gives him; for it is his heritage." Ecclesiastes 5:18
This I pray for my sake:
"...Give me neither poverty nor riches --
Feed me with the food allotted to me;
Lest I be full and deny You,
And say, "Who is the Lord?"
Or lest I be poor and steal,
And profane the name of my God."
Proverbs 31:8-9
When you get away from Kampala road the city is surprisingly calm and beautiful, it almost reminds me of home, hard to believe life is so hard here for so many people...
...Pray for me this while i am here, "I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me -- the task of testifying to the Gospel of God's grace." Acts 20:24....cuz it's easty to get a little tired
I guess I wish i could fully convey exactly what it is like for a white person in this country. Like...I mean this gives me great insight a small bit of what a black person might feel in a heavily white area. Everyone acts nice, as per the culture. You have no idea how many times a day I hear the words, "muzungu how are you?" Sometimes, just like in the states, i'm not good, and i dont like lying or having to talk about how i feel with every random stranger on the street. And i'm a public spetacle for sure, beacause i look so different from everyone else here. So I get stares, i get stares wherever I go, and the two ways to get people to stop staring at you are to, a) wave, or b) say, "hello, how are you?" Yesterday i was thinking alot about that and how the novelty definitely wears off being the center of attention anywhere you go.
Also, I'm realizing what a novelty "muzungu" used to be and how it begins to feel derogatory. Especially when i'm just walking along, and you can say anythign with a biting tone, as is truwe with muzungu. Like when i'll pass someone and i'll hear muzungu yelled at me when they are already past me. Or if I am walking through a crowded area and i hear muzungu and i turn and i know someone was talking about me. And I suppose this is me careing too much about other people. Like I understand alot of people here do not understand what all the white people, and all the NGO's (non-govt-orgs) are doing here. Cuz by the way there are so incredibly many aid organizations christian and not, and I feel like alot of people here have alot of resentment behind their friendliness. As mentioned earlier you can feel it with the biting, "MUZUNGU!" left and right (kona ne dyo).
Ok now to stop complaining about myself and start complaining about things here. I wish i could convey to you the number of street vendors here. I mean literally every street, every street corner (at least in the areas closer to the taxi park) are completely covered with people, with their wares laid out on cardboard, tarps, blankets, whatever works, tables, etc. I guess i want to paint you guys this picture so you can begin to feel for them. I mean, they have alot of stuff, most of it literal crap, that nobody wants, no foreigner, no local, nobody really wants it at all! And yet they have to stay seated, laid down, standing, whatever next to their stuff for i would guess more than 12 hours a day, just in case someone happens upon their stand instead of someone elses and happens to wants something that they have for sale so they can make money to eat that day. That is their life! They sit and do nothing, and they dont have days off, i'm not sure where they get this stuff. [Side note: this has happened twice, where someone has pulled me aside and tried to sell me panties, not really sure if he actually expected me to buy anything] I dunno, i wa thinking about life for them yesterday and it struck me how awful theirs must be. Some of us hate our jobs back home, but what if you didnt have a job and you were forced to sell, mosquito nets, cell phone covers, underwear, etc on the street because you knew a supplier and you had zero other options?
Yesterday I walked past an old man next to his cardboard box of stuff and all i wanted to do was to hug him and tell him there was more than this! That God loved him so passionately and that He wants so much more for Him, but i didnt, because it is so seemingly hopeless, and because in this culture peopel don't talk about private things, about their inner feelings etc.
My other rant about the mundane-ness of life here: Boda-boda drivers. Enter the life of a boda driver, once you manage to get a boda, not really sure how that works, how anyone here has the capital to do so, since they cost about1,000,000 shillings or about 500 dollars. But once you get that far, you need turf. Good luck getting it if you dont have any friends there. There are Boda stages, and of course there is conflict and fighting over who gets what stage, since some stages bring more money, some are already too crowded to make any money. And now you sit there all day, on your boda, waiting for someone who walks by to give them a ride for anywhere from 1000 to 3000 shillings or 50 cents to $1.50. Some days they dont get hired at all, but nevertheless they are out there everyday. Garaunteed if you look at them EVER, they will put their hand up and ask you if you want a ride and you have to say no because likely you are walking. Yesterday as i was walking i was solicited for a ride probably 30 times. Almost every street corner that i gave eye contact to one immediately i was offered a ride. And i guess i have no room to complain about them asking me for a ride, but imagine their lives, they need to be the first one to ask a passerby for a ride so they can garauntee they get to give the ride and not anyone else at their stage. But most of hte day they sit, and do nothing.
I'm sure alot of you have heard how hard it is for a black guy in new york to pick up a taxi, or some of you know personally. The thing that pisses me off here, is that it is easier for a white person to get a boda to pick them up than a black person. And maybe it's because they know if we are here we have money. But still that sucks, i mean it's the same thing, except i am the minority and yet i'm still privelidged for some reason.
That leads me to my last point today, in the past week about three peopel have attempted to rip me off, simply because i am white. And while each time it was over a very small amount of money, after awhile it gets old. After awhile I just wish I didn't get screwed over becuase of my race. Like peopel giving me wrong change on purpose, or telling me one price, when i know that's not the price. I mean again it's not much money, but i think if you were to charge someone more money in the states because of their race there would be a public outcry.
All that to say, that the Lord is sovereign over the people here, over their lives.
"Here is what I have seen: It is good and fitting for one to eat and drink, and to enjoy the good of all his labor in which he toils under the sun all the days of his life which God gives him; for it is his heritage." Ecclesiastes 5:18
This I pray for my sake:
"...Give me neither poverty nor riches --
Feed me with the food allotted to me;
Lest I be full and deny You,
And say, "Who is the Lord?"
Or lest I be poor and steal,
And profane the name of my God."
Proverbs 31:8-9
When you get away from Kampala road the city is surprisingly calm and beautiful, it almost reminds me of home, hard to believe life is so hard here for so many people...
...Pray for me this while i am here, "I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me -- the task of testifying to the Gospel of God's grace." Acts 20:24....cuz it's easty to get a little tired
posted by Kercho at 7:52 AM
1 Comments:
I think there might be something to the fact that nearly all the muzungu seen there are from NGO's. It makes me think of a Chinese proverb I heard once, that has always stuck with me:
"Why do you hate me? I never did anything for you."
To accept help from somebody else means that you were unable to provide for yourself and your family by your own means. It means that in some way, you have failed, that you are incapable of surviving on your own. So when a group of missionaries or an aid organization from another, richer country comes in and says "We have so much in our own country that we can afford to come over to your home and do the things that you couldn't do on your own. We can give you the food you need to feed your family, and the medicene that you wouldn't have access to without us" it just reinforces that they are a failure, and that the muzungus still have more than they could ever hope for, or have the means to attain.
Maybe that is why you sometimes hear this word spoken with such bitterness.
Of course, I could be way off base with this, considering that I am sitting here in America with a full stomach, in my paid-for apartment, typing on my nice, expensive laptop, and have never seen the things you have seen, or experienced what you have experienced.
Either way, know that I am praying for you, and that your being there this summer has a purpose, even if it may not be apparent right now.
In Him,
Krystal
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